Memories
by Eternal Flight
Summary: She never wanted him to leave, but he had to. All he left her with was memories. Memories of him. Side chapter of A New Addition


"Memories"

Beatrix stood, watching the rain drops fall down the panes of window in her room. It was her day off from the nursing staff in the headquarters, and it wasnt the best day to have off. She sighed and laid her elbows against the window sill.

_Man, I really wanted to go out and tend to my garden. The last time I actually got to relax in the garden was when..was when I was last with Lavi._

The thoughts of their last time alone together flooded into her mind. She remembered how he wrapped his arms around her, warming her and keeping her safe. The beat of his heart speaking to her, telling her everything would be okay.

"_In this world you tried_

_Not leaving me alone behind._

_There's no other way._

_I prayed to the gods let him stay._

_The memories ease the pain inside,_

_Now I know why._

She never wanted him to go on that mission. Being without him seemed so unreal when she was first told by Komui that he and Krory had to leave to help Allen and Lenalee. It was horrible, watching him disappear into the horizon, leaving her with comforting memories. Her heart was filled with the longing for him, but her memories eased her feelings.

"_All of my memories keep you near._

_In silent moments imagine you here._

_All of my memories keep you near._

_Your silent whispers, silent tears._"

She fell asleep every night to the smell of him, as she clutched the shirt he had given her as a present before he left. She remembered all the times he had whispered in her ears, being serious for once. The tears he had spilled when she was lying on the brink of death in their mission together, and his tears that told her that he didn't want to leave as well.

"_Made me promise I'd try_

_To find my way back in this life._

_I hope there is a way_

_To give me a sign you're ok._

_Reminds me again it's worth it all_

_So I can go on."_

That day, when she had almost died, he made her promise. A promise that they'd stay alive no matter what happened. She promised, and now it was his turn to keep his end of the promise. She worried now that he wasn't going to come home, because there was no sign from them since they left. She tried not to linger on the past and her fears, and she had to keep herself up to their promise, too, incase he did some back.

"_Together in all these memories_

_I see your smile._

_All the memories I hold dear._

_Darling, you know I will love you_

_Until the end of time._"

Smiles. That was made Beatrix love him from the first time that she saw him. He always had a smile on his face that told everyone what he was feeling. His happy smile, the one she dreamed of, the one she longed most to see. Oh how she wishes she could jump into her memories and freeze her thoughts on that wonderful smile.His joking smile, the memories of their group of friends being regular teens, fun and carefree. His sad smile, the one she hated the most, but it always told her that he stilled cared. The one that he had on his face when he was fretting about her in the hospital.

Love. She never knew what it meant exactly, since everyone in her life she had loved had been snatched away from her at a young age. She had never dared tell him that she did love him. The bond they shared was to good to be thrown away with the words "I love you."He was her protector, comrade, friend, and something more. 

She shied away from men, since the man who had told her he loved her tried to rape her. She knew, deep in her heart, Lavi would never do that to her. Still, it was impossible for them to be together with the war. He was a Bookman, destined to record the history of the war, and could possibly die in the process. He owed loyalty to no one, and she sensed that inside, he was lonely and would throw his heir to the Bookman to live the life he wanted, but that would never happen. 

"_All of my memories..."_

All the ones she had now, and all the ones she wanted to make later on in her life. After the war was over, and everything would be calm and normal. They would no longer be needed as exorcists, and they would still have their whole lives ahead of them. Maybe, she could make a new memory when he uttered back the words "I love you too, Beatrix."

AN: I just really felt like writing this! I used the song "Memories" by Within Temptation. I do not own D. Gray Man or the song! Please review and tell me what you think!


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